


Fucked-up Birthday

by givemesouls



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Drama, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 21:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givemesouls/pseuds/givemesouls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I lean against his shoulder, and he puts his arm around me. Some would say we’re lacking boundaries, but I don’t mind, and neither does he. You can give your friend a hug without being gay for each other, you know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. October 31st

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to write a Frerard drama fic, so - here it goes. Enjoy.

The last night of October is dark and cold. Rain is washing against the windows in my livingroom, and the sound is strangely comforting. It’s my birthday today. I’m pretty lucky to have birthday on Halloween, I think. It’s just something about the whole concept that always has fascinated me, and when it’s my birthday on top of all the Halloween awesomeness, it’s a pretty sweet deal.

The perfect way to celebrate it is to spend time with my best friend in the whole world. Gerard and I are snuggled together on the couch, sharing a warm blanket and watching a horror flick. The atmosphere is perfect for watching people having their guts ripped out by a psycho maniac. My best friend and I have always shared a love for these movies, and today we broke the watch-really-shitty-horror-flicks-tradition and managed to find a good one. The result is we being pretty much shit scared, and I’m clinging to his arm most of the time because I’m obviously more of a pussy that I thought.

The movie is done and everybody died, except one little girl who’s now in a mental hospital, trying to get rid of images in her head and overcome some sort of demonic possession. It smells like there’s going to be a follow-up.

I yawn and stretch, accidentally slapping Gerard in the face. “Oh shit, sorry,” I giggle, patting his cheek with my flat hand.

“Get off me,” he jokes. We turn off the TV and sit there in silence for a moment, enjoying each other’s company. Gerard is awesome like that. He doesn’t need to talk all the time, and I appreciate that a lot. All day has been a marathon of places to be, people to see. It has been fun, but of course, one can only handle so much socializing before it gets tiring.

I lean against his shoulder, and he puts his arm around me. Some would say we’re lacking boundaries, but I don’t mind, and neither does he. You can give your friend a hug without being gay for each other, you know. Not that I wouldn’t go gay for him, don’t get me wrong – I mean, the guy’s smokin’. He’s actually the hottest guy I know. But we’ve been friends since I was in kindergarten, and taking things to a sort of romantic relationship could possibly ruin everything. Lovers don’t always last forever, but a good friendship does. I want to keep my best friend forever.

“So,” he says. “How does it feel to be sixteen? Starting to notice grey hairs on your head yet?”

“Shut up,” I smile. “In that case, you should be grey-haired all over, you old fuck.”

“It’s only two years,” he pouts.

I laugh softly, and he smiles, too. “Whatever, man. But to be honest, it’s no big deal. I’m still the same I was when I was fifteen, only thing is now I can fuck around as much as I want without worrying about legal issues. That’s pretty rad.”

Gerard laughs, but then he’s frowning and doesn’t say anything. Suddenly, there is an awkward tension between us. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing, just …” He’s looking at his hands. I’m getting seriously confused. I was just stating a fact, why does he get all weird because of that? He finally looks up and catches my eyes with his hazels, the little frown still between his well-shaped brows. “We’re best friends, right?”

“Of-fucking-course, Gerard,” I say, wondering why he even asked. “I can barely remember not having you around, of course you’re my best friend.” He smiles a little, and I grin back at him. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s hard to, like, explain it,” he starts, looking anywhere but at me. He lets out a long breath and rubs his face with his hands. I’m starting to feel a little anxious.

“I like you,” he finally says, directed to the TV screen.

“I like you too, so what’s the problem?” The situation is starting to feel really uncomfortable.

“No no, that’s not it. I _like_ you. Like a fucking lot. I don’t want you ‘fucking around’, I couldn’t stand it …” He trails off, like he doesn’t actually know what to say. I get the impression of an animal trapped in a corner, as if he really, really wants to be anywhere else but here, but has to be here anyway. “I know it’s stupid, okay, but seriously.” He looks at me with bright, sincere eyes.

Oh. That one was not at all expected. He _likes_ me? I knew he was gay, or bi at least, but I thought we were nothing more than friends. An uncomfortable feeling rushes through my body as I watch my best friend looking all awkward, having just told me that his feelings for me are a bit more than friendly. But seriously, though. Why would he say that? It doesn’t make sense. I’m not someone you _like_ , I’m someone you spit on and shove into lockers because I’m tiny and the only affection I get is from drunk chicks at parties who don’t know what my face actually looks like because they can’t see straight from the extreme amount of alcohol they’ve consumed. There’s nothing that special about me. Gerard is my best friend; he knows that. He’s also a fucking popular guy who never misses out on sex with attractive people, never has been lonely or heartbroken or any of that shit. What the hell would he _like_ me for?

“Are you okay?” he asks, looking worried. “You’re really pale.” He touches my chin and I flinch back, feeling like there was a spark of electricity between us. I instantly regret it when I see his face.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “You should probably go.”

His eyes widen and I swear I saw tears forming there before he turned his head away. “Okay, yeah, of course,” he mumbles. “If you think that’s best.” He gets up and leaves in a hurry.

I’m left alone, feeling like someone just grabbed my heart and squeezed really tight. I just fucking lost my best friend forever for being a complete and utter douchebag.

The rain still pours down outside, but now it doesn’t sound comforting at all. I hear the front door slamming and quick footsteps down the driveway of my house, and I sink back in the couch, wrapping my arms around my legs. I have never felt more alone in all my life.


	2. November 6th

Gerard hasn’t contacted me in about a week. I haven’t seen him in school and I’m slightly worried. No, scratch that. I’m sick worried about him, and the fact that I have the full responsibility for having ruined our friendship is heaving on my shoulders. It makes me cry at night, I can’t concentrate on anything anymore and I just miss him so fucking much. Our movie night was last Saturday, and now it’s Friday. It’s a long period of time without my best friend, and it’s painful.

During lunch, I sit in the cantina with Ray and Brendon. They are happily oblivious about the situation between Gerard and me, at least for now. Of course, Ray noticed he’s not been at school for the past few days, since they’re both seniors and have classes together, but Gerard does that sometimes. Only this time it’s my fault, because I’m a fucking moron. I know I probably wouldn’t be able to talk to him if he was here, but seeing his face everyday, hearing his voice and knowing he’s okay has always been extremely important to me. And it still is.

“Something wrong, Frank?” Brendon asks. “You’ve been pretty mute for a while now. Not that I’m complaining, it’s lovely not to hear your voice twenty-four-seven for once,” he snorts. Ray sends him an annoyed look, which he manages not to notice.

“Ha-fucking-ha, Brendon,” I say in a grave voice. “It’s nothing, just tired.” My birthday turned into a disaster, my best friend hates me and I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. It’s that easy.

Ray shoots me a glance, and I realise that he probably knows more than I originally thought he did. “Gerard’s not been in school for a few days,” he says.

“Is that so?” I ask sarcastically. “Man, didn’t notice that. Wonder if he’s dead.”

“Whoa there, you having a bitchfight with dearest Gerard?” Brendon gapes. “You guys are inseparable.”

“It’s nothing,” I repeat. “Dunno why he’s gone, he’s probably out there somewhere getting shit-faced drunk and enjoying his life or what the fuck else he does when he’s not at school.” I’m starting to get genuinely pissed at them for digging around about it.

Ray and Brendon share a quick look. I couldn’t have been more obvious. “That sure doesn’t sound like nothing,” Ray states.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” I try to concentrate on eating my sandwich, but it doesn’t look tempting at all. I actually feel a little sick.

They try to push me into talking some more, but I ignore them. Luckily, they are interrupted by Bob sitting down at our table and have something else to think about for a few minutes. But then Bob also brings up the topic of the day.

“You guys should have seen Gerard last night,” Bob says in a cheerful voice. “I don’t know what shit he was doing but it clearly wasn’t good for him, he seriously puked all over the bathroom floor in Pete’s apartment and passed out in it. Gross.” He laughs and Ray and Brendon join him. Gerard getting wasted is always a fun story, but I don’t think it’s funny at all right now. I can’t help but think about why he decided to go to Pete’s last night.

“So that’s why he isn’t in school?” Ray asks, sending me a knowing look he thinks I don’t notice.

“I think he’s been drunk this whole week,” Bob shrugs, like it’s no bid deal. “It’s Gerard though, he does that sometimes.”

That’s it. I can’t be here anymore. “Uhm you guys, I need to use the bathroom. See ya later.” I leave in a hurry, pretending not to hear them calling my name behind me. Talking about Gerard was extremely uncomfortable, and getting questioned by them about why I’m not talking to the guy is something I just don’t want right now. Maybe I am overreacting, maybe Gerard’s absence has nothing to do with me. But I can’t let go of that feeling. _Fucking bullshit._

I’m picking up books from my closet when Mikey, Gerard’s younger brother, shows up besides me with a not-so-pleased look on his face. Before I get to say anything, he goes, “you’re a fucking asshole, you know that?”

I raise my eyebrows, a little taken aback by his aggressive attitude. Mikey isn’t usually like this. “I’m sorry?” I say, trying to look natural.

“Yeah, act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” he hisses. “My brother is a drunk mess right now, he’s barely at home these days and I’m fucking worried about his health, both physical and mental. Don’t even try to tell me you haven’t got anything to do with this, because both you and I know that’s not true.” It’s pretty impressive how a skinny guy like him can be so intimidating.

I don’t know what to say. When I remain silent, he crosses his arms and gives me a stern look. “Would really appreciate it if you paid him a visit today. He’s at home sulking, I don’t fucking know why and it makes me fucking desperate seeing him like this.”

My bad conscience is getting even worse as he speaks. “Fuck,” I mumble. “I’m gonna go see him after school, okay? I can’t actually explain what’s going on, but I honestly didn’t think it was that serious.”

Mikey shrugs. “Just go see him. Fix him, make him okay again.” His attitude slips a little, and I can see how genuinely hurt and worried he is. I nod and walk away, with an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. For the last periods, I can’t focus on teachers and subjects. I stare blankly in front of me, earning a few concerned looks from people who are used to a chatty, hyperactive fucker in class. But hell, nothing is normal right now. I’m not, Gerard’s not, Gerard and I are not. It’s fucking my head up. And yeah, there comes the headache. Fantastic.

 

I drop by Gerard’s after school. Nobody answers the doorbell, so I walk directly in. The livingroom is empty, but at least it’s tidy. It doesn’t look like Gerard’s been here at all, but then he rarely spends time in the house anyway except for in the basement, where his bedroom is. I carefully walk down the stairs and knock on his door, waiting for response. I don’t get any, so I open the door, bracing myself for whatever I’m going to find there.

Gerard is sitting on his bed with a more than half-empty bottle of whiskey in his hand, dressed in dirty sweatpants and a Black Flag t-shirt. He’s looking down on his feet, and I can see that his hands are shaking. Now I’m in the room and I have closed the door behind me, but he hasn’t noticed me yet. As I stand there, he takes another good sip of the soon empty bottle. The room smells like sweat, booze and dirt, and it’s not exactly appealing, but he’s probably been here for a while so he doesn’t notice.

I’m a little startled when he starts mumbling, but he still hasn’t noticed me so he’s not exactly talking to me. I can only catch parts of the drunken words, but it sounds a lot like “stupid … stupid … stupid”. Who’s stupid, him or me? I’d say both. Right now, I think he’s stupid, too. Why is he doing this to himself?

“Gerard?” I say quietly.

“No, go away,” he mumbles. “You’re not there, shut up, it’s gone, just stop it …” And then he’s crying. Heart breaking sobs. His shoulders are shaking and he holds even tighter on to his bottle.

I walk over to the bed and sit down beside him, ignoring the awful smell of bad hygiene and strong booze. “Gerard, I’m here, okay?”

Drunk, swollen eyes catch mine, and I can literally say I have never seen so much pain in someone’s eyes before. He has a hard time focusing on my face, and he does nothing to stop the tears streaming down his cheeks. “Are you here, Frank? Why - why are you here?” he slurs, seemingly having a hard time perceiving the situation.

“You wanna put that bottle away, Gerard?” I ask, trying to sound comforting, not wanting him to have a rage attack. Right now, that would suck really fucking bad.

The bottle slips from his hand, but I manage to catch it before it hits the floor and makes a huge mess. I put it on the top shelf of his comic book-filled bookcase before I sit down with him again, wrapping my arms around him. He leans into my embrace and sighs, still crying. “I’m so sorry, Frank,” he starts, but I interrupt him. “Shh,” I whisper. “This isn’t your fault, okay? Just relax, I’m not going anywhere.” My heart is aching by now. I hate seeing my best friend like this. It’s not fair; he’s done nothing to deserve it.

We sit there like that, I’m embracing him and he’s leaning against me, searching for comfort. I listen to his drunk mumbling for what seems to be hours before he eventually falls asleep. I lean him back into his pillows and put his blanket over him, careful not to wake him up again. For the first time since I got here, he doesn’t have that small frown between his eyebrows, and his face is relaxing. Sitting in one of his comfy chairs, I watch him sleep quietly until I’m too tired to stay awake myself. My last thoughts are about how genuinely beautiful he is, despite the awful smell in the room. 


	3. November 7th

When I wake up, I’m feeling very disoriented. I don’t know where I am, and my neck is hurting from sleeping in an uncomfortable position in an armchair. The sound of snoring reaches me, and I see Gerard lying sprawled on his bed, mouth open and a totally relaxed expression on his face. Oh, I’m here. Alright. I smile at the sight. Then I’m panicking a little, because apparently I slept here all afternoon and night without bothering telling my mom about where I was. She would assume I was with Gerard since that’s where I always am, but I’m still a little embarrassed by myself. I wonder if Mikey came down here to check on us sometime. I don’t hear anyone walking upstairs, so he’s probably not up yet. Their parents are out of town at the moment, on some art convention or whatever; I don’t really pay much attention to that stuff.

Gerard starts moving, and I decide to go make him coffee and maybe fetch him some painkillers. He didn’t drink water before he fell asleep yesterday, so he’s probably going to wake up with a killer headache and a need for caffeine. Luckily, I don’t bump into Mikey on my little walk to the kitchen. He’s probably going to ask questions which I’m not prepared to answer at the moment, or if he actually knows what’s going on, he’s not going to shut up about that either. It would probably be the latter. Mikey knows Gerard extremely well, so even if Gerard never talked about me in a different way than usual, Mikey would jump to conclusions which would happen to be the correct ones.

When I enter Gerard’s room again, he’s awake. He’s lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. I know he notices me, but he doesn’t do anything.

“Hi,” I say in a quiet tone, not sure if he’s mad at me or just really tired. When he doesn’t answer, I put the coffee mug on his bedside table. “Brought you coffee and painkillers. Thought you might need it.”

He finally turns to face me. “Thanks,” he whispers, slowly sitting up, leaning on his arms. There’s something about coffee that just does wonders on this guy. He takes a few sips, and suddenly he’s not a zombie anymore. The painkillers go down. Soon he’s functioning again, and he glances up at me with an apologetic look in his eyes.

“Don’t say you’re sorry,” I say before he even gets the chance to open his mouth. “This isn’t your fault.”

He laughs. “Of course it is, Frank. It’s my fault. I ruined us because of my stupid ass feelings and stupid ass jealousy and -“

“Wait, what?” I ask. “What are you jealous of?”

“Everyone,” he admits. “Everyone who gets to kiss you. Everyone who gets to touch you, everyone you’ve slept with. I just … I dunno. I’m just a whiney bitch, alright.”

I sit down beside him. “And you think that I’ve never been jealous of all the people _you_ hook up with?” His eyes widen in disbelief. “It’s like more than half of the senior stage. And let’s not forget about that Lindsey chick. I have never hated anyone so much in my entire life.” I look down on my clenched fists, feeling strangely vulnerable.

“Are you serious? You and her were like best friends,” Gerard says.

“Not one second. I hated her for taking you away from me. The only thing I could do to still spend time with you, was to be friends with her as well. She never knew my true feelings about her,” I say in a humorous voice.

“Well, shit,” Gerard simply says.

“I wanna keep you forever, Gee,” I whisper, feeling awfully emotional all of a sudden. “They say lovers don’t last forever. But a good friendship does. Friends for ever and all that.”

Gerard hesitates for a moment. “That’s insane, Frank. But -“ he looks at me intently “- does that mean you do have feelings for me?”

I sigh. “I do, alright. You’re my best friend and I could never be without you. I hate it when you’re with other people - so yeah, I figured I do have stronger feelings for you than I thought before. I just tried to deny it. I don’t wanna ruin our friendship, because I appreciate what we have more than anything else in the whole world.”

Before I even get to catch my breath after my little speech, Gerard’s lips are on mine. I’m a little taken by surprise, but when he starts moving his lips against mine, I melt into his touch and start kissing him back. His tongue carefully licks at my bottom lip, and I open my mouth, feeling my tongue against his. My hands are grabbing on his t-shirt and his strong arms are holding around my waist and oh my God, I have never felt anything as good as this. I start losing it when he bites carefully down on my bottom lip. I push him down on the bed again, straddle his hips and kiss him hard, sucking on his tongue, putting my hands in his hair, feeling his hands under my own t-shirt. I should have done this sooner, I think as I grind my crotch against his, the friction almost sending me over the edge without even touching myself. His eyes are dark and filled with lust as he moves his body against mine and it turns me on so bad.

We are, of course, interrupted in the middle of a really good thing. Mikey comes barging through the door, and I jump so much I fall down on the floor. Both Gerard and I stare at him, feeling like he busted us doing a crime. He stops with his hand still on the doorknob, a hilariously confused expression on his face. “Oh … Well. I was just -” He runs out and slams the door behind him.

“I don’t think he likes to walk in on me doing things like that,” Gerard sighs.

“Obviously not,” I say as I get up from the floor. “That fucking hurt.”

“I’m sorry,” Gerard says, taking my hand as I sit down on the bed again. The moment is ruined, but it doesn’t matter.

“So … what are we now?” I ask, a little scared he’s having second thoughts about this.

“Whatever we wanna be,” he smiles and strokes my chin with the tip of his index finger. “Best friends, boyfriends, it doesn’t really matter. I could never picture myself with anyone but you anyway.”

My heart swells, and I hug him tightly. “Sounds good to me.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Gerard asks after a moment of hesitation.

“Only if it’s a good one.”

“I love you, Frankie. I have for a long time.” He’s kissing me, and I’m lost in his embrace again. It feels so safe, being there with him. His words made my heart go crazy, and it’s that feeling I really can’t put words on. Maybe it is what love feels like. I don’t actually know. Being this close to Gerard is unfamiliar, but it doesn’t feel weird. Just like I’m going to need some time to get used to it.

I’m the first to break the kiss, and he looks at me worriedly, as if he’s expecting me to tell him to get the fuck away from me. But I’m not. “I love you, too,” I whisper, feeling very emotional again. _Don’t cry, you fucking whiney bitch._

We hug each other tightly. We don’t know how this is going to end, us being together like this. But we know that we share the same feelings, and we don’t want to be anywhere but with each other. Fuck the future; fuck the past. Gerard and I, we’re going to make it, because we’re soul mates. Breathing in the strong scent of scent of sweat from the neck of his t-shirt, I know that something like this can’t end. We know each other’s worst, and we know each other’s best.

“I smell like shit,” Gerard mumbles.

“Yeah, you do,” I agree.

“Wanna go shower with me?” he smirks.

“Hell yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this is it! Hope you liked it. I'd be thrilled if you left a comment and told me what you think. What could be better, constructive criticism, etc. Anyway I'm really thankful you took time to read it. x


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